Be honest with yourself when you answer this question: are you okay with your current reality? How many of you answered ‘yes’ with no conditions placed on it? How many of us placed limitations on our answer? Did you think, ‘Well, I’m fairly satisfied, but, I’d be more satisfied if ____________ (I lost 50 lbs.; I had a significant other; I had a better job; I had more money in the bank, etc. You fill in the blank.) Did you catch yourself thinking, ‘If only my life_____________(you fill in the blank), then reality would easier to accept’? In other words, you were wishing reality was different from what it is. While reality shifts and changes every moment, wishing it wasn’t what it is is a barrier to your happiness and satisfaction with your life. The phrase, ‘It is what it is’ (attributed to several people including Gertrude Stein, J.E. Lawrence, J. A. Roebuck, and several ancient Stoic philosophers), is true. Reality is the opposite of fantasy; it is authentic, physical existence, and is not up to interpretation. It is what it is. So, why is it difficult to accept reality at times?
Wishing away our lives on our physical, our DNA, and our birth situation characteristics is a monumental waste of time. Did you have choice in who your birth parents were? No. Did you have choice in where you were born and who were your ancestors? No. Did you have the choice to pick your skin color, ethnicity, height, body type, blood type, genetics in your DNA? No. Why, then, do so many people obsess over these characteristics? Perhaps, like me, you believe that we did have choice over these elements in our current incarnation in the form of sacred contracts. Even so, even if your pre-birth spirit willingly entered into contracts to be played out after-birth, you still must accept reality, the what is. According to best-selling author and speaker, Carolyn Myss, “ these contracts were created before birth as part of our spiritual journey” (https://knowyourarchetypes.com/sacred-contracts-awakening-your-divine-potential-book-summary/). Sacred contracts are soul/spirit documents that are forged before we are born and are fulfilled after we are born. “Myss believes that there is an inner process for accessing sacred contracts—namely meditation or prayer. By connecting with a higher power, we can access information about ourselves that was previously unknown to us. Through this process, we can gain insight into what drives us and motivates us to make decisions in life. Additionally, by understanding these patterns better, we can use them as tools for positive transformation” (https://knowyourarchetypes.com/sacred-contracts-awakening-your-divine-potential-book-summary/) For a better understanding of this concept, I recommend Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential by Carolyn Myss. Even if you don’t buy into the concept of sacred contracts, you must come to see and accept that reality is what it is if you want to experience a degree of satisfaction and happiness in life.
I am not suggesting that you’ll be giddy, jumping for joy all of the time when you accept reality. And, I’m not suggesting you turn into a stoic stone when you accept reality. Psychotherapist, minister, and author, Nancy Colier, shares wisdom in her article, “Accepting a Reality That Feels Unacceptable”:”Right now, [may be] something going on that's very difficult, something that we definitely don’t want as part of our life. We don’t want this to be our reality and yet it’s clear that all of our wishing it weren’t so has done nothing to make it not true. As is always the case: Fight with reality, reality wins. And so it occurred to me…that this might be an auspicious time to practice acceptance, right now when we loathe this particular reality. And also, that it might be a good time to better understand what it means when we say…just accept what is, be with it, don’t fight it and all the other expressions we have for this very challenging and mysterious process. Acceptance does not require that we’re OK with what we’re accepting. It does not imply that we now want what we don’t want. It does not include feeling good or peaceful about what we’re accepting. It does not mean we now agree with it.
Acceptance does not mean suspending efforts to change what is. It does not imply that we’re giving up on reality becoming different. Acceptance is all about now and has nothing to do with the future. Furthermore, acceptance is not an act of passivity, but rather an act of wisdom, of agreeing to start our efforts from where we actually are and considering what actually is. Acceptance is not an act of failure. It can, with the right understanding, be experienced as an act of courage. It is for those who have the strength to face the truth and stop denying it. It can be, in fact, a first step in a process of genuine success and movement. [Acceptance] means that we [can] relax with the part of ourselves that’s screaming ‘no’ to the situation. It means that we make space for the not wanting in us. So we accept the situation and also the fierce rejection of it at the same time. We don’t ask ourselves to get rid of the resistance; that resistance is our friend. It's there to protect us from what we don’t want. So we accept and allow the negative situation and also, the hating of it.
[Additionally] acceptance is about acknowledging that this particular situation is indeed happening. It’s not saying that we like it, agree with it or will stop trying to change it, it simply means that we’re accepting that it’s actually what’s so. The primary element of acceptance is opening to reality as it is, not how we feel about it, just that it actually is this way. With the situation now going on, I’m practicing relaxing with the reality that I don’t have an answer to this situation …and I want it to be different. Both are true; the practice of acceptance right now is about letting all of that be, and still being able to breathe...deeply.
What’s comical is that our refusal to accept what is involves a fight against what already is. What we’re fighting against is already here. We refuse to allow what’s already been allowed. Seen in this light, our refusal to accept reality has a kind of insanity to it” (https://www.psychologytoday.com).
What are reasons we do not accept reality, what is?
Holding on tightly to control. Although we know we cannot control every aspect of life, many people think that doesn’t apply to them. It does. Control is an illusion.
Expectations are too rigid. Let go of expectations to surrender to reality.
Shoulding all over ourselves. Stop allowing ‘shoulds’ to shift you way from the truth of the current reality.
Living a fantasy. While positive thoughts are helpful in getting through a tricky reality, pretending reality is not what it is is not helpful.
Avoiding the truth, living in denial. Many people deny truths even when presented with irrefutable scientific data. Delusion can be a symptom of paranoia our psychosis, of closed-mindedness, of dangerous indoctrination.
What are other reasons people do not accept reality?
To live an authentic life, it is essential to accept reality; it is what it is. Many of us have had to accept a reality we didn’t choose but it forced upon us. Recently, I read a book by Mel Robbins called, The Let Them Theory. In this book, Ms. Robbins introduces three key concepts that can help us with accepting the reality that is (‘let them’), shifting to how we can personally respond to reality (‘let me’), and experiencing context for the reality. To learn more about this helpful approach to reality, read this article: https://www.verywellmind.com/let-them-theory-8773871. Or, read Ms. Robbins’ book. Another excellent book on accepting what is / reality is Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.
How do you accept reality as it is rather than how you wish it were? Please share your stories, thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting to this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.
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