Is your calendar so full that you feel overwhelmed by stuff to do? Some time management gurus suggest you say ‘no’ to too many demands. I suggest you flip that advice to say ‘yes’ to fewer calendar commitments and say ‘yes’ to the tasks that advance your purpose. By saying ‘yes’ to fewer demands on your time, your energy, your mental capacity to juggle multiple aspects, and your emotional investments, you will manage your time more effectively. There is a high quality response to demands and a low quality response. Here’s why a high quality response is preferable.
In his book, A New Earth, Eckart Tolle discusses the low quality ‘no.’ Its opposite is the low quality ‘yes.’ While ‘yes’ sounds more positive than ‘no,’ a low quality ‘yes’ is as damaging as a low quality ‘no.’ A low quality ‘no’ is telling someone off rather than simply saying ‘no.’ For example, if a friend borrowed a book from you and didn’t return it; then, he asks to borrow another book, a low quality ‘no’ might be, “I’ve loaned you books from my private collection in the past; you didn’t return my books, so you are not responsible, and I’ll never let you borrow anything from me again.” Conversely, a high quality ‘no’ sounds something like this when your friend asked to borrow another book, “No.” And, leave it at that.
The low quality ‘yes’, then, sounds like this when a friend asks for another book after she did not return the previous one she borrowed, “ Sure, here is the book, but, remember that I loaned you my favorite book last month, but you didn’t return it and I wish you would. I hope I can trust you with this book too.” Do you hear the snide remark, the parental tone hiding in the ‘yes, but’? On the other hand, a high quality ‘yes’ could be, “Yes. I will loan you the book as soon as you return the one I loaned you last month.”
What does this have to do with your calendar engagements? If you give a low quality ‘yes’ to an appointment, it is likely you will resent saying ‘yes’ to something you don’t want to do, don’t want to invest time in, or don’t want to hang out with other people involved. Saying ‘yes’ to what you want, rather than to an obligation, to what delights you, to what fuels your purpose is high quality. Offering a high quality ‘yes’ in your calendar planning is more authentic; it cultivates kind and calm conversations. When you say ‘yes’ to fewer commitments, you are in charge, and let in only what you allow; it’s effective self-care and a position of strength.
To reach me about Life Coaching or about my online Re-Imagine Writing course, please email me at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.
