For those who celebrate Christmas, this is a special, perhaps holy, and frantic week. If this is supposed to be such a joyful time of the year, why are so many people unhappy, clinically depressed?
Dr. Rebecca Isbell, in her article called “Myths of the ‘Perfect Holiday,’” the writer highlights several myths that many of us can relate to:
“1. You can make everything perfect. This is not even possible—things happen. The turkey gets too done, the sweater is too small, more relatives show up than you expected, and the oven explodes.
2. More is better. More food, more decorations, more presents, more relatives. Perhaps a better goal to work toward is ‘Good enough.’ Example of 3 year old, after open way too many presents ask, ‘Is this all?’
3. The perfect present can be bought. In a survey of 24-40 year olds they were asked “What Christmas presents they remembered from their childhood?” A few could remember one specific present—but not their age or year. One of the most frequently mentioned was writing letters to Santa, and the special people who were at the celebration.
4. Christmas is a specific day! Personal story—- My two grand families in Mississippi lived 250 miles apart. It was impossible to visit both families on Christmas Day. One grandmother demanded that all four of her children, and their families, be at her house at noon on Christmas day for dinner and tree. The other grandmother said, “Christmas is when you are here with me”. Which one do you want to be?
5. No one will know how tired I am. If you are too tired to enjoy Christmas—others won’t enjoy it either. You feelings, attitudes, and stress affect everyone. Take deep breaths and repeat after me “It is good enough!”
6. The most expensive gift will be the “loved” the most. We all have watched the young child playing in the empty box and wrapping paper while the expensive item is sitting under the tree unnoticed.
7. Traditions and rituals are not important. One of the reasons holidays may be difficult for married couples is their different beliefs about these traditions. When do we have the opening of the presents? When do we have dinner? What do we eat?
8. Christmas is only about our family. What about other people in the world or helping those less fortunate than you. These experiences of giving put everything in perspective—- what really is important? They provide examples to emulate with our children, grandchildren and friends” (https://drisbell.com/myths-of-the-perfect-holiday/).
In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene’ Brown discusses the freedom that comes from our not pretending everything is okay, from not striving for perfection because ‘perfection’ isn’t possible. ‘Joy,' on the other hand, is possible. Eckhart Tolle reminds us that, “Unhappiness and negativity is a disease on our planet…People seem to depend on what happens to them for their happiness. They don’t realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe” (A New Earth). Our joy does not depend on everything going well, on being ‘perfect.’
Why does it matter your sister gave your husband the same thing you gave him for a Christmas gift? Why does it matter the snowy-white linen tablecloth got stained with spilled red wine? If someone gave you a gift and you didn’t give them a gift, why is that a holiday-crushing error? The standing rib roast wasn’t done when everyone was ready to eat so you chopped it up and microwaved the pieces; now, the little fancy paper booties won’t fit on the legs. So what? What does it truly matter? Just like some aspects of weddings aren’t ‘perfect,' holiday gatherings are not going to be ‘perfect,’ so embrace the imperfections and focus on the joy that doesn’t arise from ‘perfection,' but, from your ability to embrace the present moment simply as it is.
Happy holidays and enjoy a peaceful, imperfect passage to the new year.
Comments