Plot Twist!

The story of our lives rolls along second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day after day, week by week, month by month, year after year…then, PLOT TWIST!  Job loss. Car accident.  Sickness hits us or our family members. Natural disaster affects us / our property. We lost our savings in an investment scheme. Making an ‘F’ in a course and now we can’t graduate. A significant other or friend drops us. Our adult children no longer want anything to do with us. Age or health causes us to decline.  We’ve been a victim of a robbery, of hacking.  Someone close to us, including our pets, dies. Why are we surprised by unexpected events in life?  How can we manage through these events?

According to an article on the effects of unexpected events / situations, “When unexpected life events come crashing into our lives like a tidal wave, they can have profound effects on our mental health.

Just as a storm can leave a trail of destruction in its wake, these events can leave us feeling battered and bruised emotionally. Imagine standing in a raging storm, with the wind howling and rain pouring down, unable to see beyond the chaos. That’s how it can feel when faced with the aftermath of an unexpected life event. The uncertainty, fear, and sense of loss can be overwhelming, making it even harder to cope.

One of the most common reactions to unexpected life events is stress. Like a pressure cooker reaching its boiling point, your body and mind can become overwhelmed by the strain of trying to navigate uncharted territory. You may find yourself constantly on edge, irritable, and unable to relax.

Anxiety is another common response to unexpected life events.

It’s like a constant buzzing in the background, a nagging worry that refuses to go away. You may find yourself plagued by thoughts of what could go wrong, unable to shake the feeling of impending doom.

Left unchecked, the effects of stress and anxiety can take a toll on your overall well-being. They can affect your sleep, appetite, and ability to concentrate. Making it difficult to function day-to-day. In severe cases, it can even lead to more serious mental health issues like chronic depression” (https://talkingcirclestherapy.com/what-is-an-unexpected-life-event-and-how-can-you-cope/).

While we all know life is not always going to go the way we had desired, there are some attitudes and responses we can choose to embrace in all things.

1.  We can choose to see things as they are, not how we wish they were.  The phrase, “It is what it is,” is attributed to “[Gary Mihoces in his] 2004 USA Today article, titled “It is what it is,” pointed out that the phrase had become popular in sports about losses. Mihoces cited over a dozen examples of athletes and coaches using the phrase in that year alone” (https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/it-is-what-it-is/#).

Things are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’; they simply are.  According to        Davis John, HR Director and writer, “The power of choice is one of the most profound aspects of human existence. It is what allows us to take control of our lives and create our own reality. But with great power comes great responsibility, and the choices we make can have far-reaching consequences not just for ourselves, but for those around us as well.

One of the most important things to keep in mind when it comes to choice is that it is not a one-time event. It is not just a matter of making a decision and moving on. Rather, choice is an ongoing process that requires constant attention and reflection. As we move through life, new possibilities and opportunities will present themselves, and we must constantly evaluate them in light of our goals and values.

Another important factor to consider when it comes to choice is that it is not always a clear-cut decision between right and wrong. Often, we are faced with complex and nuanced situations where the right choice is not immediately obvious. In these cases, it is essential to take the time to weigh the options carefully, and to consult with others who may have valuable insights to share” (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-choice-shaping-our-destiny-thoughtful-decision#:~:text=).

2. We can develop life skills to help us through the plot shifts in life.  In her article, Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, suggests these four ways to cope with the unexpected:

“Pause before you act.

There is a huge difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction comes from an automatic part of the brain. It is almost like a reflex. Reactions are very quick, especially when we feel threatened in some way. On the other hand, a response is something you consciously choose to do based on a more thoughtful assessment of a situation. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic your automatic reaction might be to get angry and assume the driver is deliberately being rude or thoughtless. This anger can cause you to want to retaliate in some way. By pausing and taking time to think, you give yourself a window of opportunity to pick a better option. You might decide that retaliating is not in your best interest or you may realize that the driver wasn’t deliberately trying to be disrespectful, but was simply not paying attention. For most people, practicing deep breathing and counting to 10 can help restrain a reaction long enough to choose a better response. If you are a very visual person you may even imagine yourself aiming a remote control at the situation and pushing the pause button. Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis is another great way to increase your ability to pause before acting.

* Don’t assume that the things you don’t want are bad.

Most people automatically assume that if something they don’t want happens to them, it's a bad thing that will likely lead to an even worse outcome down the road. If you break up with your partner, you may think it is awful because you will never find anyone better and you will always be alone. If you don’t get the job you sought, you may think no one will ever hire you and you will be stuck living with your parents forever. Thinking this way inevitably makes you feel terrible.

For most of the things that happen to you, there's no way of knowing whether they will be a bad thing or a good thing—and which one an event turns out to be often has a lot to do with how you respond. If you end a relationship, blame yourself, become despondent, and never leave the house, you increase the likelihood of not finding another relationship. However, if you accept that, for whatever reason, it was not the right relationship for you, maintain a positive attitude, believe that a better relationship is coming your way, and then get involved in fun activities, you significantly increase the likelihood of finding another great partner, possibly one who is an even better match.

Unexpected situations often have the potential to open the door to new events in our lives that we do want. If you miss your plane, you may end up meeting the love of your life on a different flight. If you lose your job and are forced to move to a new city, you may meet a great new set of friends, or find your dream home. You never know what will come of a situation, so rather than assuming a situation is bad, which only generates lots of unhelpful, negative emotions, practice saying to yourself, "We shall see." Then make an effort to look ahead with hope.

* Plan for everything to turn out well.

Many people hope for the best, but plan for the worst. The problem with this strategy is that we act on our expectations, yet our actions create our experiences. If you want a good outcome, you have to plan for one because that is what leads to the actions that create good experiences. An unexpected event is one you didn’t plan for, but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan to create the best possible outcome from the situation. We all have the ability to shift our attention from an unexpected event that seems like a big problem and focus instead on finding the solution. The minute you ask yourself what you can do to make something better, you have taken the first step in planning for events to go well. When you see a plan laid out in front of you for how to make something turn out well, your assessment of the situation starts to change. You regain your sense of control and as a result, you start to feel better.

* Trust in your ability to be OK.

Most people have been through more than one difficult thing in their life. You’ve probably already been through several significant challenges and quite a few smaller bumps in the road. No one likes them, but most of us survive them. When you are in the middle of a difficult situation, instead of assuming it won’t work out, think about the things you have already been through and ask yourself, "What did I do to get through those events?" Knowing your own strength is important for self-confidence. If focusing on your strong qualities doesn’t come naturally, ask someone who knows you well to give you a boost. When you redirect your attention from a problem to the knowledge that you're able to handle it, you will start to feel better” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201605/4-ways-to-survive-unexpected-situations).

2024 has been a challenging year so far for me.  If my life narrative were a creative novel, the many plot twists would not be believable fiction; still, as Mark Twain remarked, ”life is sometimes stranger than fiction.”  In January this year, I had a heart attack in the ‘widow maker’ artery that was 100% blocked.  PLOT TWIST! My right artery is still 60% blocked.  I eat healthily, work out every day, don’t drink alcohol or coffee, don’t smoke, meditate every day, maintain a spiritual practice / life, manage stress.  My genetic make up is the cause.  I had stents placed and completed cardiac rehab and was back full strength. Before the heart attack, I had a bucket-list May-June vacation planned to England, Ireland, Scotland, and Iceland on a cruise out of Amsterdam with a friend.  Nope!  My cardiologist told me it would not be a good idea to go on the trip this soon after the heart attack.  So, I cancelled it.  PLOT TWIST! In May this year, I went for a routine mammogram and a lump was found, then biopsied. PLOT TWIST! And in August, I had a lumpectomy with sentinel lymph node excision.  PLOT TWIST! The pathology showed some breast cancer on the hormone receptors.  PLOT TWIST!  My elderly parents, for whom I was primary caregiver, declined so much that I could no longer provide full care for them and they entered into a skilled nursing facility. PLOT TWIST!  In order for my parents to get Medicaid help, they had to transfer the deed to their house to me; I had not intended to own and pay for the expenses of a house again, but…PLOT TWIST!  Because I live in Louisiana and the state is allowed to, in essence, steal some of my Social Security because I also have a pension, now, my fixed income has gone down.  PLOT TWIST!

So, how am I coping and what are the outcomes the first 8 months of this year have exposed me to?

• I am not afraid of anything anymore.  Even if a snake startles me in the backyard, it’s not a big deal anymore; I used to scream and run away.

  
  

• I fully embrace “It is what it is.” I choose daily to let go of expectations, disappointments.

  
  

• I get to choose how I respond.  I don’t feel scared of dying.  I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I’m not worried. I’m not angry. I’m not a victim.  I’m not in a ‘fight’ for my life, because I believe that what is resisted will persist. I’m simply living until I die.

  
  

• I get to choose the medical treatments I feel are best for me.  Although the medical community wants me to do radiation therapy, I have chosen not to do it.  My body, my choice.  I will take medicine for the suppression of the cancer and to help lower the chance of reoccurrence.  If chemotherapy is ever suggested for me, I will decline it too.  My body, my choice.  If you are going through cancer treatments and have chosen radiation and chemo, that is your choice and I support you, but, it is not my choice.

  
  

• More invasive heart surgery or more cancer may be in my future, but, that’s not right now.  The past is gone; the future is not here yet; all we have is the present moment.  In the present moment, I have planned my will, POA, medical and end-of-life directives; I have shared key information on where things are, what my user names/ passwords are, that I’ll become a medical school cadaver upon my death, etc.  There is no reason to worry about the unknown or known.

  
  

• I put one step in front of the other.  I continue with life. I continue to write, to learn new things, laugh with friends, go on trips.  I accept the plot twists in my life as just things that happen. Oh well.

  
  

• I choose to take everything in stride.  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, no ‘good’ or ‘bad.’  I’m not anymore brave than you are; I choose to have a peaceful mindset.

  
  

• On December 31, 2024, I’m burning all of my 2024 calendars. (except the one my friend gave me that features his beautiful photos) I’ll say, “Bye, Felicia” to 2024 and welcome 2025 without expectations.  I will let the narrative of my life unfold and I will take it as it is.

  
  

• I learned who my true friends are.  People who reached out to me early and often, who brought food and flowers, who continue to check on me through emails and texts, who treat me the same as before my heart attack and cancer, who laugh with me, who took me for procedures or brought me home from the hospital, who brought me food and supplies from home while I was in the hospital - those are the true friends.

  
  

• Now, I simply smile when someone tells they are "praying for me." While I do not believe prayer does anything because I believe all of life is predetermined and human prayers won't change God's / the Goddess's mind, I understand that when people say this phrase and pray, it helps them feel better.

  
  

• Plot twists do not shock me.  Just like me, you are not immune to twists of fate coming at you.  I choose to see them as bumps in the road, as shifts in direction, as reality.

  
  

• My peace is more important than anything else.  I choose not to allow changes, events / situations / people, health issues, financial issues to steal my peace.

How do you handle unexpected situations in life? Please share your thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com. 

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