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“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for” (Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Russian novelist who explored social ills of his day during the Russian revolution)
Having purpose in life is like having a guiding star, a magical reason to get up and get going each day, a superpower. Not everyone, however, discovers their purpose easily. I heard a speaker say one time that some people are like jackhammers: they know and have always known their purpose and they drill it through life. Others are like honey bees going from one interest to another gathering life’s pollen. It doesn’t help the honey bee people to tell them to just ‘follow their passion’ because they don’t have just one. Whether you are a ‘jackhammer’ or a ‘honey bee,’ identifying your strengths, talents, interests, and what lights you up point you toward your True North, the reason you are on this earth at this time. What is your calling and what are you calling to your life?
Unfortunately, helping young people discover their strengths, developing their talents, exploring interests, and acknowledging what lights them up is not in the curriculum in most schools. And, many parents cannot help their children with the essential journey of discovery because they don’t know how. While ‘strengths’ and ‘talents’ are often referred to interchangeably, they are not the same, although they may be related. A talent is a “naturally recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied, an aptitude” (www.oed.com). A strength is “the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance in a specific activity. It flows out of something one is drawn to to repeat; one’s life themes show up in their strengths” (https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253715/34-cliftonstrengths-themes.aspx). The key to cultivating a strength is to identify your dominant talents, the ways in which you most naturally think, feel, and behave as a unique individual and then complement them by acquiring knowledge and skills pertinent to the activity. An interest is “an activity that one enjoys and are energized by engaging in it” https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/253715/34-cliftonstrengths-themes.aspx).
Here’s an example of the difference between talents and strengths. Throughout her K-12 education, my daughter, Mei, amazed me with her talent for math logic. She took 6 high school credits when only 3 were required This astonished me even more because my multiple intelligences in math logic is quite low, so, I couldn’t fathom why someone would take that many math courses by personal choice. So, as I was looking at her confounding trigonometry textbook, I asked Mei if she might be interested in going into a career that uses math - like medicine or research since she made A’s in math. She scowled at me and exclaimed, “NO! I hate math!” Confused, I asked her why, then, she was taking so many math courses. The answer she shared was a profound truth about the difference between talents and strengths. She said, “I take math because it’s an easy A for me.” So, while she clearly had talent in math logic, it showed that even if she is good at something, but, she loathed it, it would never be a strength. Mei had other talents that she turned into strengths because they lit her up.
The first step in discovering your purpose, your calling is to identify what is calling to you. According to writer, Rebecca Campbell, “A calling is not something you choose, but something that chooses you”(Chapter 125, Rise, Sister, Rise).What are your interests? List them. What are your strengths? There are lots of ways to discover your strengths. Here are a few:
Ask 5 friends to complete the Adjectives List at the end of this blog essay. Look for patterns in their responses. If your friends see you as shy, quiet, organized, cautious, and knowledgeable, are those traits and strengths that might do well as a real estate agent or salesperson? Probably not. But, perhaps those strengths are great in a librarian.
Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child? Here are two examples of children and their strengths. Do you recognize patterns? Can you tell which child became an aerialist for Cirque du Soleil and which became a doctor? These observations are easy to do with yourself and with your children.
Child A
played alone mostly as a child
liked quiet activities
organized
liked to play games of strategy, trivia, and tactile / manipulative games
could spend hours on one activity
goal oriented
preferred math and science to writing, but, still good at writing
preferred science fiction and biographies to other literature
enjoys debate and proving they are ‘right’ using logic
must have proof — won’t take anything at face value
shows little range in emotions, holds a steady / intense gaze
searches for reasons behind every situation
risk averse
shy, introverted
easily angered
driven
perfectionistic about most things
rigid
tidy appearance
Child B
social butterfly
liked active, noisy games
could not spend hours just on one activity, needed variety
was talented in math and enjoyed science, but hated math
loved to write creative stories, but not formal / restrictive essays
didn’t like to set long-term goals
rarely likes structure or highly organized environments
easily bored
risk taker
kinesthetic learner
always moving, dancing, stretching
never says anything mean to or about anyone & visibly uncomfortable when others are saying negative things about others
goes with the flow
flexible and adjusts to changes in situations with ease
laid back about appearance
sees several sides to an issue
creates the future one day at a time
interested in lots of things
Buy the book, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton. Because the book includes the StrengthsFinder assessment, buy a NEW book, not a used book. By the way, if you want to help your children discover their strengths, Gallup created Strengths Explorer for ages 10-14. Again, buy a new book, not a used one. In comes with a youth workbook and parent guide.
Carry with you for one week a set of notecards and a green pen and a red pen. Put these in a zip lock baggy. Each time you do something that lights you up, write in green ink what it was that excited you on a notecard. For example, “I did my own taxes today and I enjoyed it.” And, each time you do something that drains you, write in red ink what it was that you didn’t enjoy and don’t want to do again. For example, “I delivered Door Dash and had to deal with some crazy, unappreciative people who didn’t tip me.”
You will soon begin to see patterns of what you enjoy doing and would like to do more of and what you loathe and don’t want to do again. Caution, if all you seek is making lots of money, you may miss out on jobs that honor your strengths.
What is calling to you and what is your calling? Was this helpful? For me, it’s all about teaching, inspiring, and equipping others. As a child, I played teacher all the time. As an adult, I was a trainer at a large insurance company and at Walt Disney World; I taught 5th - 11th grade at a private school, and I was a college English professor. My set of strengths, talents, interests, and passions support my purpose to teach, inspire, and equip others.
Please share your stories, thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.
Thank you for reading and participating in this blog essay; I invite you to subscribe to my blog at www.reimaginelifecoach.com.
Adjectives List
Circle 5 of the top adjectives that describe ___________________________ according to how you see her or him or them.
abrasive charming fierce loyal persistent steadfast wary
abrupt confident finicky lazy precise successful wise
accurate careless flippant likable peace-keeping sociable warm
adaptable conservative forgetful lively possessive shy witty
adventurous curious greedy loving punctual thorough quiet
adorable critical grouchy lonely patient thoughtful
analytical decisive guarded jealous pleasant talkative
aloof determined gullible mean quick tactful
appreciative detailed honest methodical quarrelsome testy
angry driven helpful mature rational thick-skinned
anxious dynamic happy materialistic realistic tough
arrogant diplomatic honorable naive reliable talented
alert diligent helpless nervous resourceful thrifty
ambitious efficient hesitant nice ruthless trustworthy
agreeable emotional independent noisy self-reliant thoughtless
brave energetic intuitive optimistic supportive timid
bright expressive imaginative open-minded studious unconventional
bored entertaining impulsive obedient sensitive unusual
calm enthusiastic intellectual organized self-motivated unbiased
caring effective industrious obnoxious self-confident unsure
cautious flexible inpatient out-going secretive uptight
consistent friendly knowledgeable perceptive sneaky versatile
comforting faithful kind persuasive selfish vivacious
creative fearless kind-hearted positive snobbish volatile
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