Just looking at that photo make me exhausted and irritated. I embrace minimalism. One of the myriad of advantages to minimalism is that my Millennial generation daughter will not be burdened with loads of stuff to sort through when I die. Kiplinger, publisher of business forecasts and personal finance advice, revealed in its online article in March 2021 by Eric Reich another voice echoing a truth that may be difficult to hear, “Time to Face Reality: Your Kids Don’t Want Your Stuff!” (https://www.kiplinger.com/retirement/estate-planning/602507/time-to-face-reality-your-kids-dont-want-your-stuff)
My best friends in Florida have four adult children who echo this sentiment. At first, it is shocking to hear. They don’t care about their baby photos, your wedding dress lovingly preserved for one day, your collection of baseball caps, great-grandma’s dining room table and chairs, their childhood toys, your family home. As one of my friends’ children said, “Those are your memories, not mine.” Ouch! And, my friends are not unusual; I hear this story often, ”Cash and investments are okay to leave me in their will, but I don’t want any of their stuff.”
The sterling silver flatware and tea or coffee service is a treasure of the past, but not of your children’s future. I know of someone who kept her son’s mummified umbilicus in a zip lock baggie thinking her son would want it one day. He was horrified and questioned his mother’s sanity. What makes us think our children want their 4th grade report card or creepy umbilicus? These represent memories for us, not our children.
Recently, I had this discussion with my parents. They are in their 90s, so, they have collected a lifetime of stuff. I suggested they start reducing their stuff. When they die, my brother and I will have our grief to process. In addition to grief may be frustration over what to do with all of the stuff. My parents saw that it is kinder to reduce now rather than leave my brother and me a house, attic, and garage full of stuff. Since that discussion and with my help, my parents have cleared out their attic, cleaned out much of the garage. It may have been difficult for my father to let go of the antique tools that had belonged to his father who died when my father was only two. We talked about how letting go of these sentimental, but not useful, things felt like releasing his father.
My parents used to have a vegetable garden and they canned their harvest. Years after it was not possible for them to take care of the vegetable garden, they held on to the canning equipment. I suggested several times over the years if I could donate the canning tools and boxes of glass jars. They refused until I mentioned how someone out there was growing a garden and could use the canning supplies. That changed how they saw holding on to stuff they cannot use anymore, but someone else could.
Of course, reducing can come in a couple forms: selling the stuff, donating the stuff. The Minimalists share a great idea: The 30-Day Minimalism Game; check it out. https://www.theminimalists.com/game/ What else can we do now, every day, to avoid leaving this earth with a crushing weight of unwanted stuff? We can embrace a philosophy of ‘if something new comes in, something old must go.’ We can delay buying something until we have asked: Is it necessary? Do I already have something that will work as well as this potential purchase? How will my answers to the first two questions change if I wait a week to decide to purchase?
Ask your children now, “Is there anything I have that you will want when I die?” Assure them that if their answer is “Nothing,” it is okay with you. They may not want your stuff, but they will hold you close in their memory, and that’s the best treasure of all.
To reach me about Life Coaching or about my online Re-Imagine Writing course, please email me at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.
