Writer Henry David Thoreau quipped, “Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves” (qtd. in https://www.inspiringquotes.com/11-quotes-for-when-you-feel-lost-or-stuck/ZGKiS5esQwAH6Gn3). As you may recall, Thoreau was stuck, lost back in 1845. He was 27 years old when he built a little, plain house on the banks of Walden Pond in Massachusetts. He lived there for two years, two months, and two days. Taking this time to find himself was transformative. As a transcendentalist, Thoreau valued intuition as well as practical knowledge and mental pursuits. Getting away from the routines of life was beneficial to his personal growth.
Another writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, traveled for a year when she was around 37, and when she returned, she published the book, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything…Gilbert says, “If you can't do what you long to do, go do something else… You might think it's procrastination, but — with the right intention — it isn't; it's motion. And any motion whatsoever beats inertia, because inspiration will always be drawn to motion (qtd. in https://mollyannexploresitall.com/category/creative-lifestyle/). Gilbert’s life experiences may remind us of ourselves: out of step, addicted to something or someone, in and out of relationships. She was stuck, lost and had to find who she truly is. Like Thoreau, leaving behind her regular life, Gilbert discovered herself.
While many of us are not in the position to simply take off to get unstuck or to discover who we truly are, we can employ some effective tools to help when we are very stuck or very lost. [Disclaimer: If you are stuck or lost because you are clinically depressed or struggle with other mental or emotional challenges, please get professional help because you may benefit from more tools, such as counseling, therapies, medications.]
Here are some tools to help you help yourself manage through being stuck and lost to being on-purpose and ‘found.’ :
Hire a life coach - Life coaches help you get,”…to a high level of satisfaction and performance in your life in two areas: how you feel on the inside, and what your contributing to the world around you” (Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self). Life coaches don’t give advice; they use key questions and exercises to help you discover what’s going on in your inner life, what’s holding you back, and what you can share with the world. They may also be counselors, but not usually. A good life coach will help you observe your own, “…orientation, disorientation, and reorientation” as spiritual leader, Rob Bell describes, “…[feeling lost] is a very normal dimension to the humans experience…when you feel lost, whatever you do, don’t fight it; just…acknowledge it” (qtd. in white paper by Brad Stulberg). Another spiritual leader, Franciscan Friar Richard Rohr, speaks and writes about, “…transformation as a process of order-disorder-reorder” (qtd. in Stulberg). In his book, The Practice of Groundedness: A Path to Success that Feeds - Not Crushes - Your Soul, speaks of the framework, “stress - rest - growth” to describe the process of being stuck, lost and working through it.
Where can you find a life coach? A good place to start is at the International Coaching Federation - https://coachingfederation.org/find-a-coach . Some life coaches specialize and some are generalists. Some work with individuals and some with work groups/teams of people. For example, I am a certified life coach who coaches through my writing, the topics I write on. See my blog post about life coaching: https://www.reimaginelifecoach.com/post/what-is-life-coaching
Hire a procrastination coach - No, this is not someone to help you procrastinate more! If you are having a difficult time getting started, a procrastination coach may be a great way to go. According to Dr. Christine Li, “[They] help people figure out what they - and not anyone or anything else - are doing to cause the slowdown in their work of lives and the misery that accompanies that…then, you and your coach work together to fix whatever is causing the procrastination” (https://www.procrastinationcoach.com). Dr. Li reminds us that, “Habits are formed with three components: the trigger, the routine, and the result. If you change one of those things, the habit will change [including the procrastination]” (https://www.procrastinationcoach.com)
Read and Study - There are lots of low cost ways to work out your ‘stuckness’ and ‘lostness’ by reading books that feature superb exercises, tips, and/or inspiration. They are not exclusively about getting unstuck or finding yoursel; still, the messages are related. Here are a few exceptional books I suggest:
* A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
* Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton — you must buy a new one that contains the secret code in it to assess your strengths.
* Altas of the Heart by Brene’ Brown
* The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck
* Women who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
* Mind Shift by Erwin Raphael McManus
* Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck
* Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
* Set Boundaries, Find Peace book and workbook by Nedra Glover Tawwab
* The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
* The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest
* The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest
* The Practice of Groundedness: A Path to Success That Feeds - Not Crushes Your Soul by Brad Stulberg
[By the way, the Martha Beck’s books recommended here have superb and so useful exercises built in to the book.]
Do shadow work - Psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, first developed the concept of the ‘shadow self.’ According to Elizabeth Perry, "We all have traits that we’re proud of, and traits that we don’t feel so confident about. Some of these traits may trigger or embarrass us, so we hide them from public view. These parts make up your shadow self, and it longs to be heard. However, it’s not always easy to come to terms with our shadow selves. Many people tend to repress those hidden parts of themselves to avoid having to confront that darker side. Even though the shadow still exists, it gets pushed back and forgotten. But repressing your inner shadow can have dangerous consequences. Most often, the shadow manifests as our triggers — emotional reactions that we haven’t fully dealt with, but bubble up to the surface under the right (wrong) circumstances. It takes training, self-awareness, guidance, and courage to help you face your shadow self in a healthy way. This is exactly why shadow work exists. Shadow work is designed to help you integrate and accept every single part of yourself so that you can live and thrive with more clarity and authenticity” (https://www.betterup.com/blog/shadow-work). I predict this is going to be a HUGE year for shadow work. See my blog post about shadow work: https://www.reimaginelifecoach.com/post/shadow-work . Here is a fantastic book / guide / set of exercises / journal to address shadow work: The Shadow Work Journal, second edition by Keila Shaheen.
Get an Astrology Reading - You may be surprised how much the movement of planets and asteroids, the placement of the planets and asteroids when you were born, and the transits the celestial elements affect your well being. During the reading with a qualified astrologer, perhaps you will learn why you feel stuck or lost at certain times and when a better time is coming for these feelings to be addressed. Gena White, at the Peace of Mind Center in Shreveport, Louisiana is a superb astrologer who I highly recommend for in-person or over the phone readings.
Clean up Your Self-Talk, Your Conversations, and Your Judgements - Brad Stulberg shares, “Decades of psychological science shows that suppression and repression have negative effects. But the flip-side, to romanticize and dwell in disorientation and disorder, isn’t helpful either. It’s not fun to be lost. We shouldn’t celebrate it. Ruts build on themselves. Science clearly shows that mood tends to follow action, not the other way around - sometimes, the best way out of being lost is to just start doing something. Herein lies the paradox: it’s counterproductive to suppress or repress disorientation and disorder. But, it’s also counterproductive to romanticize and dwell in them. Perhaps the answer is to simply pay attention [to your thoughts, your speaking, and your judging] - ideally with a non-judgmental mind and an open heart” (white paper by Brad Stulberg). As you know, our self-talk can be destructive, creative, positive, negative, constructive. If you tell yourself, “I’m so lost; I don’t know what to do; I’m stuck.” Then, you will manifest those statements and will remain lost, stuck. Similarly, it you tell others, “I’m so lost; I don’t know what to do; I’m stuck,” you will reinforce those statements. If you judge yourself and others according to ’stuckness’ and ‘lostness,’ you are strengthening a weakened state - not what you want to do! This is an area I work on - it comes out as complaining. Ugh! No one wants to hear that!
Do Something Generous for Someone Else, Get Exercise, Laugh With a Friend - Sometimes focusing on someone else and what they need can get you out of your own thoughts of ‘stuckness’ and ‘lostness.’ Give as generously as you are led to. Go for a walk; go to the gym; sweat to get out of your negative thoughts. See a friend who makes you laugh. In other words, get out of yourself for the moment.
Think and Act Seasonally - Do you find yourself slowing down and feeling as though you are in a holding pattern in the winter? Many of us do. ‘Wintering’ signals a time to rest, retreat, recover. It’s often not the time to start something new. It’s like when the Earth goes to sleep, Persephone goes to the Underworld, cold / snow / ice shuts everything down, cozy flannel PJs and warm blankets come out of storage, animals hyphenate. Winter tells us the harvest and plans of last year are done; it may be time to hole up with great books, watch movies that delight us, make soup. It’s not time to plant and fret. Spring comes and we are energized, ready to greet each sweet bud of new life that germinates. Then, it’s time for more action. Summer arrives in full sunny, hot glory and reminds us to tend to growing things and our plans. When fall brings the brisk, cooler temperatures, it’s time to harvest, to store supplies, ideas, lists of books to read to prepare for wintering again. The flow of our lives can mirror the seasons. So, if you’re stuck, lost now while wintering, it’s normal /natural to feel some of that when we are resting retreating, recovering. During the wintering, we can focus on a few tools that, when the season changes, will help us be ready to take action and tackle our ‘stuckness’ and ‘lostness.’
Learn Something New - Learning something improves our brain health, memory, and outlook on life. Alison Rodericks explains, “Neurologists tell us that learning a new skill changes the physical structures of the brain. By stimulating neurons in the brain, more neural pathways are formed; the more pathways that are formed, the faster impulses can travel” (https://www.upskilled.edu.au/skillstalk/mental-health-benefits-learning-new-skill). By exercising our brains with new information or a new skill or a new procedure, we are uncovering a trail to becoming unstuck and found.
What are some ways you get unstuck and found, rather than stuck and lost? Please share your thoughts and insights by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.
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