Last week, I did’t write a blog post. No, I wasn’t on an Alaskan cruise. No, I wasn’t doing my taxes. No, I wasn’t getting ready for Mardi Gras. No, I didn’t run away from it all. I had a cardiac event - a mini heart attack - that took me to the emergency room, gave me a 5 day hospital stay, sent me to have a cardiac catheter. And, I have to go back into hospital in two weeks for another procedure. What? I don’t smoke. I don’t drink alcohol. I don’t drink coffee. I eat healthily most of the time. I work out 4-5 times a week. I meditate. I manage my weight. What got me was my DNA, genetics.
As I sat in the hospital bed last week hooked up to IV and heart monitor, I considered what this “adventure” is teaching me. Here is what I’ve learned or I am learning:
Listen to the whispers and shouts from my body- Three days before the cardiac event, I felt something was off. On Monday night, just as I put my head on the pillow, I felt dizzy; I felt a tingling in my arm, as though an elephant were sitting on my chest; my jaw was sore like I’d been chewing gum for hours, I had nausea, and the back of my neck was burning. My heart was racing. I almost got up to drive myself to the ER. But, within a few moments, everything was back to normal, so, I went to sleep. On Tuesday morning, I went to the gym, lifted arm / chest weights and felt lightheaded a couple of times. When I bent down to pick up a dumbbell and stood up, I thought I would pass out. Of course, I hadn’t eaten yet, so, that could’ve caused the feeling. I shook it off and finished my workout. On Wednesday, I went to the quick care place to see if I had a ‘bug.’ They did an EKG that didn’t show anything and gave me a prescription for nausea meds. The doctor there said if I experienced any more of the symptoms to drive to the ER immediately. I went the pharmacy to fill the prescription and had another ‘fluttering’ sensation. I left right away and drove to the ER. I was told that if I hadn’t come in when I did, a monumental heart attack in the area called “the widow-maker” likely would have happened. Listen to your body! Don’t ignore those whispers and shouts it shares with you!
I cannot escape your DNA/genetics - Although I was treating my body well, heart disease is on both sides of my family; my high cholesterol and triglycerides also contributed. I loathe taking prescription medications. Now, I’m on a myriad of meds. It’s my genetic make up that caused this.
I now know what a panic attack feels like - While I am a high-energy person, I’ve not had panic or anxiety episodes…until now. It was difficult to tell the difference between that panic attack and the heart episode. Gotta say, when the cardiologist listed the things that could happen while having a stent procedure: death, stroke, heart attack, throw a clot, I experienced a panic attack. I’m not afraid of dying; I simply didn’t want to leave my family not knowing where my important papers, account numbers, usernames/passwords are, in case the worst happens. In my opinion, leaving my loved ones clueless when I die would be selfish, is not compassionate, and is unloving. I told the doctors to discharge me for the week to gather my important papers and information, organize them, tell my family where everything is. Then, I will go back into hospital to have the procedures completed. I feel ready now to face whatever comes knowing my family will not be burdened with not knowing where key information is. By the way, I used The Peace of Mind Planner (available on Amazon) and a specially curated end-of-life Planner/Notebook made for me by my dear friend, Theresa Blount-Wilcox, who works with people to help them record their life information to pass on to their loved ones when they die. Now that my info is recorded and the people who need to know about it have been informed, I can simply relax and go on with life, with heart surgeries and procedures, and with whatever comes my way.
I now know what a migraine feels like - meds I was given in hospital gave me a migraine. Ouch! A migraine feels like an ice pick stabbed into the head. I have much more empathy for friends who suffer from migraines.
I saw who my true friends are - While I was in hospital, one dear friend risked life and limb to get my dog, Hans, to be boarded and Hans, bit him! People texted and posted encouraging messages on social media. My daughter called and texted while she was on vacation in the Philippines. My doctor-brother coordinated with the cardiologist and help translate the medical language so I could understand what was happening. Friends and family went to the grocery and ran other errands; they brought food to my elderly parents. I felt loved on in big and small ways.
A close medical call encouraged me to be angry and apprehensive - This surprised me. When I googled how people responded after a heart event, I learned that this is a typical reaction. The people I’m around who usually stress me out make it worse. I slipped into a shouting match with someone I live with and I was afraid it would make my heart even more stressed; still, I couldn’t stop it before it happened. Rather than breathing deeply, I notice I’m taking more shallow breaths in my attempt to avoid triggering a heart episode. I’m reluctant to do much walking / exertion or to cough for the same reason. While I know these anger flares and uneasiness are temporary, they are still unsettling.
I cannot rest in hospital - If you’ve had a stay in hospital, then you know what I’m talking about! Every 4 hours, they are coming into the room to take blood, vitals, and they turn on the lights.
Hospital food on a restrictive cardiac diet - UGH! Thank goodness, my cousins brought me some heart-healthy real food from the outside or I would have starved. I realized I’m a pickier eater than I thought.
Being organized was essential in an emergency- Because I know where everything is in my life, it was easy for me to tell friends and family where things were that I needed to be brought to me in hospital. It was easier for friends to pick up Hans, gather his food and meds to take him to boarding for me while I was in the ER.
I was able to watch NFL playoff games in hospital without yelling and jumping- This wasn’t easy, but, I learned I could simply watch without the excitement.
Speaking up for myself even on the procedure table - on Monday, I was wheeled into the catheter lab for a stents procedure; I felt horrible: nausea, shaking all over, migraine. I told the staff there that I was not ready to be sedated and not sure I wanted to do this. Two kind nurses put a cool cloth on my head, but, the nausea kept rolling. One lab tech told me to hurry up and make up my mind because I was holding everyone up. I asked him his name - Joe - and told him,“Joe, get the hell out of here!” Joe left. And, I told the cardiologist that Joe was not to be anywhere near me. I saw the look pass between the two nurses. Yep, Joe doesn’t have people skills. His negativity is not wanted!
Disappointments, lifestyle changes happen after- After my next heart catheter with stents procedure, I’ll need cardiac rehab and won’t be able to lift weights for a long time. I closed my gym membership because I’ll need to work out at the hospital fitness center so that they can monitor my heart while exercising. I’m already eating on a cardiac diet which is boring and tasteless without salt and salt is mostly off the table now. No pizza, no cheeseburgers, no bacon, no sausage. While those used to be every now and then treats, now, they are now banned. A friend and I had planned a ‘bucket list’ cruise this May that, now, must be cancelled. So bummed!
Withdrawal- After my stay in hospital and the reality of having heart disease had hit me, I feel myself withdrawing. I’m like the poster-child for introversion at present. I’d rather stay in my room, pet Hans, read, and write than interact with others in person. Perhaps, this is temporary.
People try to ‘one-up’ me - “Oh, you had a cardiac event? Well, I had it so much worse; my head was decapitated and I died and had to have a gazillion surgeries to bring me back to life.”
I’m not able to jump back in life at my usual pace - “Take it easy” is not in my vernacular! I don’t have a procrastinating bone in my body; my usual energy level is off the charts. Normally, I’m super independent, and now, I may need help from other people until I’m back to full strength.
Tell others I’m not available -Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! My focus is on me and my recovery.
I’m reminded of the present moment - as the only time we have.
Thank you for reading and participating in this very personal blog essay. Please share your thoughts and insights by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com. And, I invite you to subscribe to my blog at www.reimaginelifecoach.com.
