Look at the photo above. What can you tell by the body language of each person? On a quick search through Amazon, over 1,000 book titles claim to be able to help you read the cues of body language. These books are filled with promises: How to Spot a Liar, How to Read People Like a Book, The Secrets of Body Language. According to Psychology Today, this is their definition of ‘body language’: “Body language is a silent orchestra, as people constantly give clues to what they’re thinking and feeling. Non-verbal messages including body movements, facial expressions, vocal tone and volume, and other signals are collectively known as body language” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/body-language).
While some researchers have found that around 97% of a memorable conversation is non-verbal, body language, and only 3% verbal of an unforgettable chat. Others have refuted these numbers. Let’s imagine the numbers are 50% verbal and 50% non-verbal communication in a memorable meeting, speech, conversation, discussion. The non-verbal form of language is as important as verbal communication. Non-verbal includes facial expressions especially common ‘microexpressions’ (anger, contempt, happiness, fear, surprise, disgust, sadness), gazes, position of the arms/legs/head/torso/hips, physical touch, space between self and others and the space you take up, body movement or lack of movement, gestures - type, range, width- vocal tone and pitch. While this last non-verbal example appears to be a verbal cue, tone and pitch reflect body language - the how you say what you say. ‘Microexpressions’, as defined by psychologist, Dr. Paul Ekman, is, “…a brief, involuntary facial expression that humans make when they feel an intense emotion” (qtd. in 113 Van Edwards, Captivate). We can get better at the science of successfully communicating with others by learning to ‘decode’ people’s non-verbal cues and to ‘encode’ our own non-verbal cues to convey what and how.
Of course, there are techniques to ‘decode’ and ‘encode’ in verbal communications; this essay, however, is focussed on non-verbal. Verbal communications’ techniques will be the emphasis in an upcoming essay. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher, shares these observations about spotting and ‘decoding’ the seven common microexpressions: “Decoding is all about looking for the motional intent behind the words. It’s about listening by hearing and looking” (118 Captivate). Van Edwards suggests, before we label a microexpression, we look for,
“Congruency: Look to see if someone’s stated emotions match their visible emotions. If your client says he is happy to see you, he should have a happy microexpression. If your wife says she if ‘fine,’ but has an angry microexpression, she probably isn’t ‘fine.’
Connection: People make microexpressions while they are talking and while they are listening. Facial expressiveness is never ‘off.’ [Always look for at least three non-verbal cues’ instances to verify the microexpression you see.]
Speed: Microexpressions happen incredibly quickly - in less than a second. Anything longer that a second is simply a facial expression. Why is this important? Miroexpressions cannot be controlled, so they are honest views into emotion. Facial expressions can be faked and are less honest. Therefore, you should look at brief flashes of facial responsiveness for the most accurate reading” (118 Captivate).
You’ve likely heard of and perhaps said this old quote: “Fake it till you make it.” It’s been attributed to William Heberden in 1768, to song lyrics in Simon & Garfunkel’s “Fakin’ It” from 1968, or to social psychologist, Amy Cuddy. According to the Science of People survey and research, 63% of 1,036 participants answered ‘C’ to this question: “Which of these people habits annoy you the most? A. People who are too talkative, B. People who are too quiet, C. People who are fake, D. People who show off” (19 Captivate). This doesn’t surprise me. After reading the research, I do not believe we can just fake it until we make it.
To learn more about how to recognize each of the seven miroexpressions, open to this link: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/microexpressions/. Here is a heads up about this activity: there is little diversity in the faces shown; still, you may be able to spot microexpressions. When you are out in public, notice how most people smile; they do not sport a genuine smile of happiness; most people wear a fake smile. After you have opened the link above and learned more about the microexpressions, go back to look at the photo above. Do you recognize that the face of the woman in the foreground is wearing a fake smile? Notice how her smile doesn't reach her eyes.
Body position, stance, use of arms/hands/legs/feet/torso are also excellent cue to ‘decode’ in others and ‘encode’ for you to use. To learn more, there are many articles and videos to show you ‘mirroring,’ ‘proxemics,’ ‘attraction cues,’ and much more: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/body-language/. If you want to test your non-verbal intelligence, take the Body Language Quiz from the Science of People; it is located here and in other places on the website: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/body-language/. After you learn more about non-verbal language, look again at the photo above. What do the body position/stances tell you about the likely connections between these people?
Do you have RBF? (Resting Bitch/Bothered Face) If so, check out this article on fix it so you are more approachable: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/resting-bitch-face/. This is so me, so, I can benefit from 'encoding' a more readable/effective expression.
Why is any of this important? Because we communicate verbally and non-verbally, we can improve how we ‘read’ people and how ‘come across’ to others. ‘Communications skills’ is an essential life skill whether you are a waiter, an IT professional, a Speech Therapist, a business owner, professor, retired person; most people can benefit from upgrading their ability to communicate non-verbally and verbally. Communicating is the common denominator in connection.
I hope you enjoyed this essay and opened the fascinating embedded resources to read and participate in. Please leave a message below about how this resonates with you if you are reading it on social media. If you are reading this from my website, please send me an email to reimaginelife22@gmail.com sharing how you connected to the information.
Comments